I'll Cork-screw You

Everyone has heard that "necessity is the mother of invention". I can appreciate as much as the next guy/gal a new clever invention to improve daily life; but someone PLEASE stop making new ways to uncork a bottle of wine! You have the Rabbit (not the dildo), the two handed twisty (also not a dildo or the correct terminology for this), the traditional corkscrew (nevermind) and I even saw a way using forced nitrous to open the bottle. Stop! All it takes is a few minutes and you will master the traditional yet elegant corkscrew. I would challenge anyone with any of these contraptions to beat me in a speed opening contest, which is not the intention anyway. True the traditional corkscrew does look a little intimidating at first, in fact most look like mid-evil torture devices. It looks a little small, most use brute force to open the bottle once the screw is in, but there's something called "leverage" that I'm going to share with you in this post. Before you know it you'll be opening a bottle as well as a restaurateur. Without further ado:

1. Position corkscrew in the middle of the cork
2. Screw until screw is one or two turns from the end of the curves
3. Tilt the flat portion back (yes it swivels) and position the metal piece at the end along the lip of the bottle.
4. With your free hand wrap your fingers around the neck making sure to hold the metal piece in place
5. Using the pocket web between your thumb and index finger pull up on the flat portion of the corkscrew and watch the cork start to slide out
6. By the time you slide the cork out the flat portion will be at 45 degree angle away from your body, that's it

Granted it's a little easier to show someone in person, but this is my best shot via blog, a true test of communication skills. Don't ask me how to tie a necktie this way...

Next post, another wine review